You’ve got a friend…

In 1971 Carole King released (and wrote) the song You’ve Got a Friend. It is still one of my favorites from that Tapestry album. Every line expresses what I have always considered a true friend to be.

friendship can be hard

I have never made friends easily. Is it something in me that keeps people at arms length or the inability to share my most innermost thoughts and feelings freely. (I guess that is kind of laughable now as I am writing this blog).

What I really think is that, in my mind, the term friend is special. It assigns certain responsibilities to the recipient and to me as the giver. Friendship is a gift. It is the gift of oneself and any sacrifice necessary to make that relationship whole and healthy.

But that’s just my opinion.

what’s in a friend?

It is fascinating to stand back and observe people and their interactions. This particularly in the name of friendship. We have one set of ‘friends’ that have all been together sharing their lives since grade school. They are now in their 80’s. Another set comes to mind that have maintained friendship since high school and they are in their 70’s.

Is it generational? Do the young people (millenials) of today have that bond? Are the Gen X friendships forged at the workplace or around the soccer field? I see those seemingly tight as they watch their kids grow up together.

where do friends come from?

When you trace the origins of some friendships it could almost be an exercise like the Six degrees to Kevin Bacon https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Degrees_of_Kevin_Bacon . You have friends from childhood and school, friends from work, friends from other friends, neighborhood friends; friends through family. The trail can be endless.

acquaintance or friend?

These are the categories in my mind. But as I have said, my definition of a friend differs from most. An acquaintance to me is someone that I can and do spend time with. It may be dinner and drinks or attending a get together at their home. They know superficial things about me but nothing critical and nothing blackmail worthy.

the tiers of friendship

Rennie is different. He has multitudes of people that he calls friend and who think of him as the same. He has those from childhood and school, those from the service, from his musical world, his professional world…being the Renaissance man that he is the list goes on. They even call him by different names (which does make it a little simpler to identify where they came from).

But even in his vast list of friends there remain rules. Or in this case, tiers of friendship. A few he could call at any time of day or night and they would be there without question. Some only exist in that bubble where they met. And that is ok. I think most everyone realizes the extent of the friendship they hold with him. This does not lessen the importance of a single one of those. It just makes the definition of friend a little more complicated and larger in his world.

(and just for context the photo above was Rennie after his best friend threw a cake into his face on his 40th birthday then proceeded to “clean it off”. -there might have been alcohol involved.

may i quote you on that?

I was looking for the source of a quote I thought that I recalled that said something about being rich in one’s friends. Well I found it. (It was Shakespeare) but along with that I found what seemed to be an infinite list of quotes from anonymous to Aristotle all about friendship. https://sourcesofinsight.com/?s=best+quotes+of+friendship That tells me that I may not be too far off the path in my “wonderings and ponders”.

can we define friendship?

I think everyone could come up with their definition. I would find it interesting to ask a random group three questions in this succession. They may surprise themselves.

Can you list all the names of your friends? How do you define friendship? How many of the friends that you listed meet your definition?

I sadly had the occasion many years ago to sit with a friend who had lost their spouse. At that time we had been friends for 10 years. She was one of the ones that had friends from school. Their friendships had spanned over 30 years. I found it odd and shameful that I was the only one that chose to stick around a while until she was back on her feet. But again, there are those lines of friendship that are drawn.

BFF by any other name is just as sweet

In the 1990’s the acronym BFF first made its appearance. ‘Best friends forever’. Later it morphed and I’ve seen it as Best female friend. I guess that’s as we have become more enlightened and society realizes that best friends don’t have to be gender specific.

friends that arrive and go in specific spaces of time

I have had a few BFF’s or best friends if you will, so far in my lifetime. I consider myself fortunate in those relationships as in my world they are rare.

My 1st one was my grandmother. We will talk about her on a different post but suffice it to say that when I turned 16 and she 60-ish, we came together as friends. That friendship went through a lot of changes over the years but remained steadfast until her death at 93.

I have another friend with whom I have shared a friendship for over 30 years. It still goes strong but like most relationships has changed with time. When my mom passed away someone made the comment that I had lost twice. I lost my mother and a best friend.

And finally, there is Floyd. The 3rd part of my heart. We celebrated 20 years of friendship last year.

Each of these friendships came from different places, fulfilled different needs but remain as some of the most important and memorable pieces of my life.

Friends come and go for different reasons. Sometimes we out grow one another and the reason the friendship started is fulfilled. There is always a little sadness when that happens. One of the quotes I read (and I am paraphrasing) said that new friends keep us young. Maybe, but I would like to add that old friends are what helps keep us sane.

I like to think that I keep myself open to new things and people. But being a real friend is hard work. At least in my world. If you’ve got me, you’ve got me. Thick and thin, good or bad, happy or sad. If you’ve got me then, You’ve got a friend.

check out my POEMS page for this excerpt in time https://sassaleeyours.com/?p=526

Sassalee yours…