happy mother’s day
How do you refer to the woman that gave you birth? I think that defines a lot about the relationship in most cases. Although it could simply be that learned environment. None-the-less today we will be talking about mothers, mama’s, moms or whatever you decide to call them. (They usually just want to be sure that you call them). Happy Mother’s day to all those that are known and loved by whatever name and circumstance. So tell me, whose your mama? Wicked or otherwise?
what’s in a name?
Is it simply political correctness before its time that made the decision to call this holiday, Mother’s day? I don’t think that I ever referred to my mom as Mother unless I was making a joke (or a point). It seems that even some of the toughest criminals still have reverance for their mothers. Could it be geographical? In the south I hear mama- but then in the north that name is used also. French-maman; Italian-mama; german-mutter…the list goes on. I guess as usual we in the states want to make it a little more complicated. Regardless, I like to think of the variations as terms of affection, as well as direction to the nature of the relationship.
relationships
Mother/daughter, mother/son-these relationships can be complicated and wonderful-all at the same time. Personally, I was fortunate to never experience the teenage angst where I thought my mom knew nothing. She was everything. At least to me.
Everywhere you look there are references and accolades to that special feeling and connection that a woman has to her child at birth and beyond. I can’t say that I have ever had the priveledge so I will take their word for it. What I have seen are instances of unbelievable cruelty both physical and emotional which leaves me speechless. I always wonder what disconnected?
Overall, I admire any woman that gives of herself for nine months to house another being that completely turns you into someone you might not even recognize at times. Others it’s as if they found the best part of themselves.
Motherhood is an enigma. A puzzle of an elite group of females that choose to procreate or obtain a child by other means and love unconditionally.
the others
I know you were wondering when the other shoe would drop. Well, here it is. I’m talking about the other mothers. The step parents, adoptive and foster that acquired children by choice, default and necessity (and certainly, that’s not in any certain order). There is good and bad in every category. I would dare to say that some of the “mothers” I have had the honor of knowing that fall into these categories have excelled and certainly have earned the title of mother.
adoption
Adoptive parents I believe could qualify as all of the above. It could be from necessity because of a medical reason. Definitely a choice-how awesome to know in advance that you were that special someone that they wanted! Or default. Maybe your new mother was chosen by your birth parents because they knew she alone could love them best if they weren’t around.
foster
Ah-h now here’s a whole ‘nother breed. Those woman that decided they had so much love to give that it had to be shared with those that didn’t have any. If you’ve been keeping up you’ll know that my granny was one of those ‘special moms’. https://sassaleeyours.com/meeting-the-pansies-part-deux/(opens in a new tab)
How incredible is it to take in and nurture random children, knowing that at any time they will leave and find a different, forever home. Talk about being selfless.
the step
You guessed it! This is where I come in. I have always hated the term “step” whether it preceded a parent or sibling. I think it is the connotation that surrounds it. Disney made a sizeable career portraying the evil stepmother. And Wicked still packs them all in to see the misunderstood step sisters (although I believe that one turned out o.k.)
But ‘stepmother’ brings to mind, what? An evil crone with a giant wart on her nose? Out for her own good only and continually striving to get rid of the children???
Those are just fairytales. Fun to read about, sing about. But here is the real story. Or at least it’s mine and many others. I like to think of a step mother, step mom -again the title you bestow has more to do about you. I prefer to think of that “step parent” as the one who steps in. Steps in to be what that child or children needed when their dad couldn’t. Nowhere in the defintion will you find the term ‘replacement’.
I would offer to you, that most of the stepmoms out there feel an enormous responsibility to “get it right”. For the child.
I’m not naive. I realize that a childs best interest may not always be at the forefront for us all..but I would dare say that it is for most.
I wonder how many of you have had words thrown at them from others. Like, you don’t understand, you’re not a real mother. You couldn’t possibly know that feeling since you didn’t give birth.
Hmm, well you may be right. I didn’t spit out another being the size of a watermelon from a little spigot…but! I was there for the first heartbreak, the tonsils, the wisdom teeth. What? Was that just for funzies?
motherhood
Motherhood, momhood-an elite group of women that chose to care for another human being more than themselves. Maybe that is the way we need to define it. I am fortunate in that my “stepchild” has a wonderful mother. She is grateful that I have loved him as my own and could be there when she couldn’t. I’m grateful that she doesn’t mind sharing.
It’s perfectly o.k. if you birthed that melon and think that it makes you superior, my hats off to you. I didn’t and won’t. But that isn’t what this is about. It IS about recognizing moms all over the world, of every type. I like to think it takes a special human to put someone else first before yourself. Today is just a day to say so.
Happy Mother’s (mom, mama’s) Day to you all!
(this is one of my all time favorite stories about mothers. It was written by Erma Bombeck) https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/421248-when-god-created-mothers
Sassaleeyours…