Has your marriage hit its expiration date? What is the shelf life of love? Wouldn’t it be nice if we came with a “Best used by date”?
does your love have a shelf life?
It could. Before we look at the facts and opinions know that nothing is absolute. This in particularly applies to love. I have always felt that couples who marry young, (early twenties) have a higher risk than those that wait until their 30’s.
Conversely, if you look at couples that are older, that married in their teens you can sometimes see those numbers waiver.
marrying in your teens
Ahh young love. Is it real? It can be but more times than not it has more to do with hormones and novelty. Most are unprepared to withstand the pressures of day to day life such as holding down a job, getting the bills paid and surviving the whole sickness and in health part.
marriage in the 60’s vs. now
I know what you are thinking. You’re looking at your parents (or grandparents). They’re still together. Well consider this. If you were a married teen in the 60’s then things could present themselves differently than now in 2023. Parents led by example a lot of times in the 60’s. They learned from their parents. Divorce wasn’t an option no matter what the circumstances or how miserable you may have been. Most women didn’t work outside the home and so had no means of support on their own.
In 2023 we have made divorce as easy as taking out a credit card. Teens also have a support system in many cases that include child care, financial support and housing. There isn’t the angst and stigma around the unplanned pregnancy nor the fear.
marrying in your twenties
You’ve been through college (or are on your way), a job may or may not be waiting. Most young adults don’t finish college until 25 (nor move out it seems). More and more, these young adults remain secure in their parents arms (and bank accounts and health insurance) until they graduate. Love and marriage is the next step, right? Maybe.
how prepared are you?
Is this any different than the teens? Young love is still hormone driven and novel. Most graduates have never held a job or supported themselves. Bills, responsibility and accountability have only extended itself to making the grades expected and graduating. How does this prepare you for standing on your own two feet and doing it with someone else? It doesn’t.
do you or don’t ya?
Do you take that leap and take your chances? Ideally, you wait.
Go out into the world. Experience freedom. (Not like your first time away from home in a dorm still protected by your parents) But real freedom. Paying bills, making choices and decisions that you and you alone answer to.
Realistically, you won’t. Most of you think you are ready.
expertly speaking
Here’s what some of the experts say at http://wf-lawyers.com
60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce. Those who wait to marry until they are over 25 years old are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.
Of course this doesn’t take into account what we just talked about. Sounds depressing doesn’t it? Remember the caveat. There are never any absolutes in love. You could be that exception. They went onto say:
..if you or your partner have been married before, if both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you are 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.
Now THAT’S depressing! Most would also want to know what was wrong with them if they had never been married and was still in their 40’s.
who’s right?
Who has the answer? Who knows? Only time will tell. Here is a little more of my 2 cents worth.
Marriage like anything that you undertake requires work. Put in the time before making that leap. Figure out if those annoying habits can really be overlooked. Do your homework. Look at where they came from. What do they dream about? Do they have goals?
Divorce may be an easy legal step these days but the emotional toll and collateral damage can be costly. (Take a listen to the country song by Ingrid Andress) https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbHpKN3I1bTRLdllJai1MZzN3QXdsMVdHS1JsQXxBQ3Jtc0tsSEtkc0c3blAwTUE2R1F4RDZnX0lZQ0NfeWJJNm5qT09xZmlrd2pyN3RtbjdEN1QtenczbTNlY1BZRE9GQWNrVUJmYS0wS2t0T1VITUJDc0R5azlmdmNHMFdPNVg1eVhMMjJlYXQ0UHpkR0QzbFNoTQ&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwmna.sh%2Fmhtm&v=j_A8Zjwr9m0
watching the shelf life
When you grocery shop and stock the pantry you make sure that you have good expiration dates. No matter how well processed and protected, everything has a shelf life and an expiration. Whether it is food, medicine or love. We throw out the food or medicine when it expires, don’t do that to love.
couples at 40
Forty is just a random number that pretty much is half of the average life expectancy. Talk to someone that has reached that ‘advanced’ age. Someone you would say has it all together. Ask them if they are the same person now as when they were 20 or so.
I think that you will find that most say no. Does that mean wait until you are 40 to marry? Of course not. Marriage is a living, breathing thing. It is the natural order of things to change as life intervenes, molding us into new individuals. Age 40 is usually a time that nature and circumstance make you aware of the changes. Your finances are more solid. The kids are out of the house. The debt is less and more manageable (hopefully). When only one person in a relationship goes through that someone gets left behind and marriage becomes a casualty.
in it for the long haul
Take your time, do the work and breathe. Do your dreams and goals align? Are they sustainable. Can you count on that person to be there through the beauty and laughter but more importantly the ugly and the tears?
That’s all for now. And remember the category is Sentiment- it’s just my opinion
Sassaleeyours…