if I’m lonely am i always alone?
Not necessarily. Have you ever been in the middle of a room full of people and thought, I am so lonely? The first day at a new job, first day at school or a business get together. All of these places can leave you feeling alone if you don’t feel like you fit in.
There are times that you may look at a person and think, “Man they’ve got it all. They are untouchable. The world by the tail.” You may be surprised how many of these people feel like they are on an island with no way out.
being lonely can be a state of mind
Throughout life we meet different types of people. There are those that we know as a “people person” and there are the loners. Are the ones that don’t want anyone around them lonely? Not always. Being alone may just mean that they prefer their own company to others or simply that they aren’t a big fan of small talk and would rather seek you out when they have something to say. Those are the loners. The ones that don’t need or want validation from someone else for their existence.
Then we have the “people person”. They are the ones that are happiest when they are in the midst of a crowd. They revel in the cacophony of conversation around them. Silence is their worst enemy. Being alone with just their thoughts is unacceptable and almost painful.
A different kind of lonely
Losing a mate can be devastating for some. When you live your life and think of yourself as half a whole and that half is gone what do you do? That is a different kind of lonely. This is when the type of person that you are can be transitional.
Some can just cease to exist or find themselves lost in a room surrounded by nothing but memories and things. It takes a lot of courage to step out of that box.
I met a woman a few months ago that I really admired. She had lost her spouse 13 months prior and had booked herself on a cruise with a group of people that she knew nothing about. During the course of the cruise she signed up for a little of everything from ziplining to tequila tasting. Her mindset was that if she went out and tried a little of everything that there might be something that would bring back the joy in her life. Pretty cool outlook I thought. I’m betting she will succeed.
choosing to be alone
We all would like to think that our lives and the way that we live it is our choice. It should be. Oh I know that we have to abide by laws and in some instances the rules of society intervene but overall we should be allowed to be the masters of our own destiny (as long as its healthy). Being alone and seeing someone alone and knowing when it is healthy and when it is not, is key when dealing with these family and friends. Think about what type of person you may be dealing with. Are they a self imposed loner or just alone by happenstance?
christmas is the season of giving
Christmas is only a couple of weeks away and as it nears I couldn’t help but think of the people that don’t have anyone to share it with. And as Harry Nillson and Three Dog Night reminded us ONE can be a lonely number for sure. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_(Harry_Nilsson_song)#:~:text=%22One%22%20is%20a%20song%20by,you%27ll%20ever%20do%22.
It’s important for us all to remember (and respect) our loved ones wishes. Our older relatives can be especially vulnerable. It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of buying presents and allotting time with our loved ones that we may forget the reason behind what we are doing.
Ask yourself if the gift that you are buying is really what that person wants or can use or does it just check a box on your list?
am i lonely, am i blue? am I doing this for me or you?
Being with family is important and making sure that those older relatives-parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles…whatever that may look like is included should be a priority. But be sure that it isn’t also a burden for them. Remember some are loners and some are people persons. It can be disruptive if they are used to being alone.
As we age we get more set in our ways and routine is important for normalcy. Ask them what they would like. Be attuned to their needs and comforts. After all it is the season of giving and you want to give them what they want and not just what works best for you.
Being lonely and being alone can be two completely different things. As you make plans be sure which (and who) you are dealing with this Christmas and in the upcoming new year.
Counting down all by myself (and fine with it) I am,
Sassaleeyours…