happy father’s day!
I’ve spent a lot of time in this last year talking about the women in my family and life. They are who and why I am. But today I want to talk about the menfolk. In 1992 a movie was made that talked about ‘A Few Good Men’. I don’t claim to know a few but I definitely know of some. Today’s blog is a tribute to the men in my life. Present and past. Happy Father’s Day to dads everywhere. I hope you’ll read further and join me as I tell you about my “Three Good Men”.
daddy’s girl 
I’ve heard it said that a little girl’s first love is her father. Some will spend their early teen and adult years looking for a man just like him. Oddly, that wasn’t the case for me. My Dad could be a temperamental powder keg. When he was angry we all stayed low. But that wasn’t all of who he was. And yes, sadly I lost him in 1995. He was only 59 years old.
Like his father before him he succumbed to heart disease at a very early age. (I believe I’ve mentioned that the men in my family didn’t have a lot of longevity). None-the-less, he made the best of the life he had. He played hard and worked harder. At one time he worked 3 jobs just to put food on the table.
strolling down memory lane
I have many memories of my dad. Probably one of the most profound is the day I came home from school crying because the other kids were making fun of my different color eyes. My dad didn’t miss a beat. He sat me down and told me a story. He said that when mom got pregnant with me that he told God that he wanted a blond haired little girl with a brown eye and a blue eye.
Well, I came out bald (but the hair definitely grew in) and the eyes ended up being a green one and then a half brown and half green. But for that child, that day, I was made to feel special. He told me I was “Made to order”. Never again did I let those kids make me cry. I just told them what my daddy said and moved on. I asked my mom in later years if that story was really true. She always swore it was.
time passes
As I grew up I never fooled myself into thinking my dad was something he wasn’t. In my youngest years I remained Daddy’s little girl. When I grew older I recognized that although he would always be the first special guy in my life, he had a lot of prejudices and thoughts that I didn’t share. But that’s how he raised me. I always questioned why and around the time that I turned 15 I began to think for myself.
Over the years we had some lively debates. The one thing that always remained constant was respect. My respect for him and he for me. In later years as he grew sicker our roles changed some. It happens. I feel that he always knew what he meant to me. And he made sure that I knew what I was to him. I held his hand when he died knowing that the last words he heard from me was, I love you daddy. He was the first of my three good men.
good man #2
The first time I met Arnie was at my mom’s house. I was down for the weekend to spend some quality time. My dad had passed away and I wanted the opportunity to share some one on one time. When I arrived and we got the hugging done (mom and I) I looked at her in shock and asked what on earth had happened to her chin. She had this huge scab on it. Her eyes got big, she covered it up…and giggled. Said that she had run into a five o’clock shadow. Mom was dating!
I met Arnie that Sunday before driving back home. The poor guy was so nervous his palms sweated. When I got home Rennie asked me what I thought of the “new guy”. I told him that I couldn’t imagine anyone not liking him or being mean. It would be like kicking a puppy. A month or so later when he met him he agreed. That’s Arnie.
a different kind of love
Arnie went on to become an integral part of all our lives. I hate the term “soul mate” as I think that it is wa-ay overused, but if ever there was such a thing Arnie and my mom were it. I don’t think I have ever seen two people more in love. And that lasted for the next 24 years until her death (and beyond if truth is told).
He came to us with 3 sons of his own as well as quite a few grandchildren. A bunch of siblings and another mother for my mom to love, and love she did as they did her. Arnie never had a formal education. High school was it for him. But he worked long hours traveling all over the east coast for years to support his kids (and grandkids). He has a heart like no other person I know. Is humble, sweet and strong and he would probably disagree with the strong part but I am here to tell you that for him to endure the losses he has and to have carried on as he does…what didn’t kill him definitely made him stronger.
a father and friend like no other
We’ve shared a bunch of good times together. He laughs and loves easily. He holds onto ‘Beastie’ and treats her like she is his human. Mom entrusted Arnie to me when she died. It wasn’t (and isn’t) much of a chore. He would give you the shirt from his back and the last bit of food that he had if you asked for it. I love him.
When I was asked to speak at their wedding, the toast I made about him went a little like this. “I’m too old to break in a new dad. I’ve had that. But I am never too old to welcome a new friend.” Never could I have imagined how true that was. He tells everyone that I am his daughter. And that’s how he sees me. And that is more than o.k. by me. I love him like a daughter and cannot and will not think about life without him in it. He’s the second of my ‘Good men’.
the 3rd guy 
Vanessa Williams sang the song, “You went and saved the best for last”. Yep, that’s my Rennie. My Renaissance man. The sequence of how and when these guys came into my life isn’t chronologically placed in this post but I think you’ll understand why I’ve done it this way.
Rennie and I have known one another a very long time. We started out as just friends until it became something more. We always figured that because of some of the nuances of our personalities (namely we both liked to argue/debate) that we could never become a couple. We figured we’d kill each other in the first 6 months.
Six months after we were married he sent me 6 roses with a card that read, “looks like we made it”. And now, several decades later I think you would agree.
There were never any expectations for Rennie growing up. He was the last of 7 children to be born. I often look at him and wonder…how? How did he become the man that he is. One of the posts that I published a month or so was about that phenomenon. https://sassaleeyours.com/where-does-genius-come-from-where-and-when-is-it-born/
his first, best job
Rennie will tell you that the best job he was ever given is that of being a Dad. He has one son and worships the ground that he walks on. And I must say it is well deserved. He is never more vulnerable than when it comes to him. He is made up of some of the best parts of Rennie and is carrying on the tradition in his 3 children. (And that is now Rennie’s second best job…grandpa)
the man among many
Rennie is many things to many people. He is counsel, friend, family. Each person feels that they probably know him best. For some it is due to longevity. He has relationships with people that spans decades. Some base their knowledge on how he makes them feel when he is around.
My Rennie used to be quite the party animal. He filled (and fills) a room wherever he goes. That’s his super power. He fixes things and people and makes them feel special. Women and men alike love him. And what’s not to love, right?
the truth wins out
Ah-h, were you looking for the scoop on the real guy? O.k., you asked for it. But if you think I’m airing any dirty laundry think again. We all have our ups and downs and peculiarities. That’s just the small stuff. I’m going to let you in on a not so well kept secret. I’m going to tell you about the man that I met and became friends with many years ago.
Integrity is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as :
the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change.
If you took a look in my dictionary and those that know him, you would see Rennie’s name. He came from nothing really. No money, no expectations.
He enlisted in the airforce at the height of Vietnam. There he learned to fly and (in his words) became a man. I say that he became the man he is today with that start in the military. The air force taught him endurance and discipline in addition to the mechanics of being a crew chief on C130’s. And it instilled in him a steadfast love of country that has never faltered.
what’s next?
Skip ahead four years later and he exits the service and enrolls in college. He completes his two years at a community college and enrolls in a four year program at another for undergrad. Strangely, in this college he was considered a minority and so was offered money to help fund his education. Rennie wouldn’t take it. He was willing and able to work and figured someone else could use it that didn’t have the same ability.
The next step was law school. (Do I need to keep reminding you he’s my Renaissance man?) He says that he just never figured out what he wanted to be when he grew up, lol.
In order to pay for this illustrious place of learning (and it is and was) he bought an old redneck bar. He ran that bar, played music in it and studied in the back room when he could, just to pay for books and tuition. That was the nighttime gig. He worked his full time day job the rest of the time when he wasn’t in class.
the man then and today
We share many of the same beliefs. I used to kind of think of us as Don Quixote and the loyal sidekick, Sancho Panza. We’ve settled some and don’t tilt at as many windmills these days. But one thing that has never changed with Rennie is his true core. That essence is integrity. He likes to joke that anyone can be bought and he’s happy to say that he’s yet to figure out what that amount may be for him.
When we first met he carried around an old newspaper clipping with a poem on it. I later was able to get my hands on it and transcribed it into a large framed poster that hangs in his office still today. The poem was written by Dale Wimbrow and is called, “The Man in the Mirror” I have placed it on my Poems page for your enjoyment. https://sassaleeyours.com/?p=881
the man in the mirror 
The man in the mirror or the man in the glass personifies my Rennie. It talks about no matter who you think you are or what you may have accomplished, unless you can look at the reflection in the mirror and be proud, you have nothing. It is about being true to one’s self and everything good and honest in all the day to day.
He lives by that poem. That is his moral compass and one I am proud to share.
three good men
These are my three good men. They each hold a special place in my life and heart. They each share a love of country, a heart full of patriotism and the unerring belief in doing the right thing.
Happy Father’s Day to all of the good men out there.
Respectfully, I am
Sassaleeyours…