an homage to love
I thought it only fitting that as we approach Valentine’s Day, that we honor one of the holidays that is probably most dreaded, misused and abused of all. All in the name of love. We’ll take a look at what love looks like in the beginning compared to today and all the complications that can lead to Dating when you’re Married.
If you tuned in last week we talked a bit about love. Using the term indiscriminately and loosely. https://sassaleeyours.com/whats-in-a-pronoun/ How did we get there?
w-a-a-y back in the beginning
Of course it started with religion. But soon, (in the 14th and 15th centuries) we took a “feast day” recognizing a martyr and turned it into romance. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day
From then on we were doomed! Doomed to fall into an excuse to share our feelings and eventually contribute to an industry that is projected to reach around 26 BILLION dollars this year. All in the name of love.
when you’re mating
Yes, you read right. The mating ritual also goes back in time. It is a pre-determined dance between individuals on the hunt to either procreate or scratch an immediate itch. And when you’re single it can be desperate, exhilarating, and frustrating.
I think that we have always been busy but in today’s world we have reached a point where we don’t seem to have time to do the necessary leg work to find a mate. Enter technology. Hanging out in a bar, church social or a backyard BBQ seems to be a thing of the past and something no one takes the time for. And why should we? With one scroll through an APP we have the best of the best, cream of the crop at our fingertips-uh wrong!! Google says that there are over 1,500 dating apps and websites operating worldwide at the moment, and this market is projected to reach $9.2 billion by 2025. Yet another industry in the name of love that we buy into.
dating when you are single
I never dated much. Even back in the day (whenever that was). Mostly I didn’t have time and really never liked playing the games. Stigmas for women have changed a little over the years but the underlying feel for a woman pursuing a guy and simply taking what she wants and moving on is still frowned upon by most. But honestly, I don’t think I would want to be the guy either.
Traditionally, the guy asks the gal risking rejection, practically having to mortgage or sell a kidney to pay for dinner these days. All this, on the chance that something or someone, clicks. The angst of wondering will there be a second date as well as trying to make time for it can be challenging.
dating when you’re married
When you get married you don’t seemingly have the same agenda as when you were single. (that’s not to say that someone still isn’t hoping to get lucky when there’s a night out). Is that the real reason why we don’t date as often? There’s no reward at the end game?
Should we expect that dating continues? I think so. It doesn’t have to be every Saturday night. So what? Once a week? A month? If you place a time frame on it aren’t you kind of defeating the purpose?
When Rennie and I were doing the date/mate dance we were both working so much that leisure time was a luxury. One that we didn’t really have the funds for either. So we made do.
Valentine’s he would come to my house for dinner. He would bring a single rose (my request) I was NOT going to be part of the funding of the florists for the holiday. And we would then watch a “chick flick”. That was the sacrifice he had to make, lol.
These days I occasionally get the full bouquet of roses on Valentines. I always receive a card that has been well thought out and tells me clearly, how much he cares. I still fix a special dinner and hopefully talk him into a movie without violence.
a real date
I have never been one for obligatory gifts (thus the cynicism of this holiday and its trappings). Invitations to dinner are like that too. To me, asking me if I am cooking or are we going out doesn’t qualify as a date. And it’s a little more tricky now that I am no longer working outside of the home.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t go back to the yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach, the worry of that whole dating ritual for anything. I probably would rather do without. However, I like to go on dates while I am married. and it should go a little like this.
Call me up in the middle of the week and tell me (yes tell) that I need to be ready at such and such time, dressed just so…and that we are going out to dinner. Let it be a surprise. I don’t need this every week or every month. Just once in a while.
when they get it right
A few weeks ago I received such a call. Or actually it was a text. I was instructed of the day, requested to dress classy but not formal and given a time to be ready. The glow of that evening is still alive. Dinner at a new restaurant, a play at a local theatre (and it was a musical!) and just an overall lovely, lovely evening.
A lot of days I want to strangle him but then he does something like that. No hidden agenda, no obligatory outing. Just a gesture, all in the name of love. And that is what dating when you’re married should feel like. 
Sassaleeyours…