how do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Elizabeth Barrett Browning is known for one of the most iconic love poems written. Her Sonnet 43, How do I Love Thee, is recognizable by the most uneducated of neophytes. https://poets.org/poem/how-do-i-love-thee-sonnet-43 I thought it apropos that in the month of February we talk a little bit about love. Thus my query, what’s in a pronoun?
Defining Love
When I ask the question, what’s in a pronoun, I’m not talking about the gender identity crisis of the he’s, she’s, the him’s the shims or the theys. I’m talking about the I’s and the We’s. How often do you use (or receive) a quickly tossed “love ya”. Does that diminish the meaning behind the words when there is no specific designation or in this case, a pronoun?
the many faces of love
There are many kinds of love out there. There is romantic love, that special connection between you and a partner that says, “this is it”. This is the person I want to spend my life with.
There’s the love of family-a parent to child- the kind that says I would lay down my life for you. The child to the parent that recognizes the sacrifices and the wisdom handed down as they help pave the world ahead. Love of other members, siblings, cousins, etc. that occurs just because they are..family
There is the love of a friend. That one person who you know is “your person”. The one that knows it all and will keep those secrets til the end and beyond.
what does it mean to you?
I have always been a little reticent handing out that phrase. Yes, with the pronoun, I love you. For me, it carries great weight and responsibility. It can be so easy to get caught up in the moment and say those words. And once you do, it can be difficult to take them back.
If you’ve been keeping up you know that I don’t believe in regrets. I try to make sure that each day is complete with those that I care about knowing they are special. And conversely, if you know this then you should know that I am not one to use the love word lightly.
back in the day..
Way back many, many years ago when Rennie and I decided to um, get together, we both agreed that the “love” word was overused. Neither of us were sure what it really meant. So with mutual consent we determined that we were “in like” with one another. And this suited just fine. We were both somewhat mature adults at this point (or at least one of us was) 
We had been in relationships that had not survived for various reasons. It was amazing how liberating it was to simply live on the premise of ‘liking’ someone without all the baggage of defining love and all of its complications.
changing the rules
Of course, then the inevitable happened. You guessed it, one of us faltered. Oh! Not that!
I mean love entered the equation. I’m not sure quite how it happened or whose fault it was. I won’t bore you with the whole long journey of how we got there but I will tell you that at the end of the week without the other we decided that maybe, just maybe, like had turned into love and a world without the other just wouldn’t be the same.
So, you guessed it! The love word was used. It came out carefully packaged, handled with care along with a few promises. We discovered new things such as you could love someone not just because, but although. That was an important one.
the importance of being earnest
Love should never be used casually and without forethought. It is a responsibility that you accept when you hand it out or receive it. So that brings me back to my original query. What’s in a pronoun? If you simply toss out a “love ya” as you go out the door or end a phone conversation are you hoping that they won’t notice? Do you really mean the sentiment and all that comes with it? Or are you embarrassed that you used it and are afraid it won’t be returned? I think probably a little of all of that.
I think that love is a special gift that you alone can deliver. It can and perhaps should be parsed out sparingly with intent and clear direction. Love is a word that is overused in some instances. Love! Such a powerful sentiment. It has the ability to change entire relationships with just those simple three words. So maybe that’s why some don’t want to use the pronoun.
All I know is that if I sling it out there then I am wanting it to land with the intent and gravity it deserves. So if you meet me you may not hear the words often but rest assured, I will be using a pronoun so that you know, it is I (or we) that love you. Along with all that it portends.
with affection, I am
Sassaleeyours…