conversations with my friends
If you are accused of being one of those people that would argue with a fence post then you might be known as argumentative. We all know a few I’m sure. But for our “post” today we will be talking about this in a different vein. I am talking about having a conversation with an inanimate object.
the chair did it!
Yes, I talk to the furniture, kitchen appliances, tools, etc. Don’t you? I am betting you do whether you realize it (or admit it) or not.
Recently while experiencing a little feng shui mix up in the living room I was making my way to the chair when OUCH! The table jumped out and kicked me. I have made that trip countless times but this day I nailed my toe on the table leg. I instantly yelled an expletive whirled around and glared and then berated the table. (it broke the toe so I was allowed a few extra salty words). No rational mind in that pain could not blame the table that has lived in that same spot for years. But seeing that it had not moved it was only logical that it was the chair’s fault. IT was not in its place and had caused this travesty.
Ask yourself, how many times have you ran into something or tripped and turned immediately to look behind you to figure out who did that? You may have just had a conversation with an inanimate object.
kitchen life
I love to cook. I enjoy the process, the pots and pans and casserole dishes. Even the clean up isn’t all that bad as long as you do it as you go along. BUT! When things go hinky well there starts another conversation.
My conversation with the kitchen and what goes on in there started many years ago. As I recall there was a long heated conversation with some chocolate icing that jumped into an open drawer (instead of the cake), on the floor, the counter- what a mess! I was younger then and have matured and no longer blame the icing and when events like this occur I place the blame where it belongs. On the implement.
I have one word for you. FOODSAVER.
Whomever created this device and then had the audacity to create new and improved versions every couple of years should be shot! What happened to ziploc freezer bags? So they let in a little freezer frost, maybe take up a little more room. You have those pretty little blue and red lines you can line up to seal. But no! We have to foodsave.
I am a thrifty soul and buy meat in bulk. Dreading those days, I haul it all in from the car and carefully plan out the next hour. There is need for X amount of bags for the chicken thighs, hamburg, etc. -not too much extra bag or it won’t suck. And you can’t have too little or it won’t grab it. And these rolls are not cheap.
So you have all of your bags lined up for loading. Hold your breath, press the button and “er-r-r-r-” and it goes on and on and on. I wait for the pitch to change indicating success, but no! You don’t have it right. Reposition, cut a little more bag, shake the food down…CUSS! Bang (and blame) the machine. “I hate you, you stupid inefficient piece of..” Breathe. The conversation is over. A conversation with an inanimate object.
It won. I still have to freeze the meat.
moving into the yard
Yard work. It can be rewarding, strenuous but when you look out at those neatly trimmed bushes, the manicured (and edged lawn) you smile.
HRMPH! That’s the after. I have a love/hate relationship with yardwork. I love it when all goes well but hate it when things don’t work as they should. Let’s talk about a weedeater. Most favor the gas fueled, commercial version. It definitely gets the job done. After one particularly aggravating episode in trying to start ours (read multiple attempts at pulling the string, pumping the gas bubble and getting nowhere) Rennie came home to find it in the middle of the driveway. He had to get out of the car, pick it up and move it before he could get into the garage.
Why, you may ask? Because I had a conversation with an inanimate object. I told this blankity, blank, sorry good for nothing time wasting yard tool that if it didn’t start after wasting a precious 30 minutes of my time that I was going to throw it and never touch it again. So there you have it.
I threw it, it landed in the driveway and Rennie bought me a WORX weedeater that only requires a charged battery the next week.
settling down in the guest room
Some days I really think that I do better than others. I have conversations with the air as I run around getting the daily duties accomplished. I have talks with myself about placing blame where it belongs (on the perpetrator) and then I hit a snag. Take this weekend. I was rearranging the furniture in anticipation of my new guest bed (see last week’s post about dealing with humans https://sassaleeyours.com/caveat-emptor-let-the-buyer-and-the-seller-beware/ ) I had everything in place and was trying to get the drawers back into the chest of drawers. Three, four attempts and still no joy. Cuss, sweat, try again. The facing on the heat register (already put back on 3 times previously in the last 5 minutes) pops off..again! The air is blue, my thoughts run to dropping it all out the window.
Rennie enters, I move the table out so he can fix the heat register, I grumble, cuss and rant as I get the last drawer in the chest. The facing stays in place (for Rennie of course). All in all, the room looks great and nothing went flying. Although, Rennie said the bloodcurdling scream I let out before he got there was a little over the top.
people who need people
Thankfully with people I am much more patient. I wouldn’t dare to raise my voice nor have the conversations that I have with these inanimate objects. There are those that require there to be people around at all times. I am not one of those. I have my tools and implements. They don’t judge, they don’t talk back (well hardly ever) and they always are forgiving with my little off color conversations.
Some may think I need a little anger management. That my yelling and turning the air blue over a bit of malfunction is over the top. Don’t think this could be (or is) you? Don’t think you know anyone like this? Ha!
When is the last time you yelled at your phone? Your computer or your car? I used to work with surgeons who would yell at the instruments and bones before them. I’m just saying that we all have conversations with inanimate objects. You may just not admit it.
So for now I will leave you with that thought and remain,
Sassalee yours…