Do you dare?
Care to take a dare? Are you ready to have “the conversation” that everyone should have? Show them that you care. And here’s how.
know the facts before starting
One of the most difficult conversations to have with a loved one is what if and when. What if the worst happens and they are no longer there and more importantly the when. Because the ‘what if’ is inevitable.
In 2021 for the U.S. alone, showing the number of deaths attributed to the top diseases, the CDC reported these leading causes of deaths:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/deaths.htm
Heart disease: 695,547
Cancer: 605,213
COVID-19: 416,893
Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 162,890
Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 142,342
Alzheimer’s disease: 119,399
Diabetes: 103,294
Chronic liver disease and cirrhosis: 56,585
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 54,358
An additional 224,935 were attributed to accidents (unintentional injuries). Intentional deaths (murder and suicide we can leave for a different conversation)
Do you ever wonder how many of these families were left bereft not only because of the loss but because of what comes afterwards? And what if there were no directions?
June 2023 a Gallup poll showed that only about 46% of Americans have a will. https://news.gallup.com/poll/351500/how-many-americans-have-will.aspx
Income and age certainly play a part but don’t fall into the trap that you are immortal or that “you don’t have anything of value” to fight over. People can always find a reason to fight.
the bigger picture
Many individuals think that end of life planning only involves ‘worldly goods’. That can sometimes be the “easy part”. What about before the end? What if, decisions need to be made while you are still here? Where do you want to be buried? Or do you want to be cremated? What if, you can’t speak for yourself?
who has your voice?
None of us want to imagine a time that we are unable to make our own decisions or cannot vocalize what our wishes are. The ultimate loss of control, right? Not necessarily. With a simple conversation and a set of invaluable documents you can always have a voice and be in control of your destiny.
Most medical systems these days will ask about Advance Directives or Advance Planning. This can include wills for worldly goods, a Living Will (takes care of while you are still here) and ultimately a Healthcare Power of Attorney and/or Power of Attorney. You can check out this website for a more clear definition of each of these documents. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning-advance-directives-health-care
I can’t emphasize enough how important these documents can be. It doesn’t require riches on your part to have these in place. There are numerous resources that will give aid and meet you where you are to allow this to occur.
the rest of the story
O.K. I know you think you know where this is going but I am betting you don’t. We have talked about the importance of making your wishes known before and after life. This is a HU-U-G-E part of what you need to do. But there is one last thing.
The conversation
If you have siblings, if you have children or a spouse and/or significant other…you need to Dare to Care. Do you want strangers making decisions for you? BAM! You just lost control!
Do you want to hide your head in the sand and “let them all sort it out” Well BAM! you just lost your voice!
Care to take a dare? Select the person that you feel can speak for you. The person that you think hears you when you speak. Once they agree move on to step two.
And here is the hardest part. Sit down. Have the conversation. Not with the person that you designate as your champion but with the rest. There is no more volatile moment than when you are in the clutches of making life changing decisions. Talk with whomever is left that may think they have a vested interest. Let them know that your advocate speaks for you. Take one for the team and face them answering and assuring that your choices weren’t personal but ARE what you want.
but finally..
And finally, care enough to dare. Make sure that you have the documents in place to support your choices. But more importantly, to support your advocate, your voice. Because responsibility without authority is useless. Despite your best intentions or theirs, if you don’t speak for yourself now, then they will find it almost impossible to speak for you when it really counts.
Care to take a dare? Do the right thing, the hard thing..for everyone.
just sayin’ and I am,
Sassaleeyours…